A Bottle of South Texas in My Belly

I can't believe it. Shiner Bock finally followed me to Minnesota, seven years later. i bought my first six pack over the weekend. I had two for myself, and some other crazed beer mavens had the other four at our party this weekend (what, the two coolers full of Summit wasn't good enough for you Minnesotans?).


Image from http://www.shiner.com/probock.html


Maybe this weekend, hell maybe Thursday night at Deb's "Watch the Twins Make the Yankees Cry Party," I'll do a blind taste test: Shiner Bock vs. Summit Grand. Shiner will win hands down if my taste buds are as nostalgic as I am.

TWINS WIN!! TWINS WIN!!!!!

Fuck the Yankees!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so the Yankees fielding was so awful, the Twins couldn't have lost even if they had wanted to, but a win at Yankee Stadium is a win, no matter how much you want to dress it up or down. Like Tom Kelly (among others) always said: good pitching beats good hitting.

For no one who knows what the hell I'm talking about, click here.

Obviously, this series isn't over by any stretch of the imagination, but DAMN, who's up for a viewing of Hoosiers?

A Day In the Life of a Speech-Language Pathologist

(more competent than I am...)

I just found this link on someone else's blog, http://gastricreflux.blogspot.com/. It's a cool blog worth checking out.

Also worth checking out is Play 20 Questions with the Computer. I often play some form of 20 Questions or another at work. One reason is to help kids who have trouble with spoken grammar or with verbal reasoning issues. I'd be the best damn speech therapist ever if I could get the kids to ask the questions the A.I. program does on the 20 questions website. Damn fool thing got "hockey puck" in 17 questions!

For those who couldn't be there...

Yesterday we had a Welcome to Minnesota party for my brother-in-law and sister-in-law (Emily's sister). I'd also like to think that it was also a party for Hashanah and my niece's birthday. Anyway, the party was smashing success, as Emily's family and our friends continue to have a lot of fun together.

I cannot believe how many people were crammed into our duplex, but we had a great time. I was impressed by the quantities of food and beer that was consumed, yet everyone remained civil. See? Getting older does have its good points!

We had one organized activity: a pub quiz. The British and Irish bars around town have these weekly or monthly pub quizzes and I think they are a lot of fun. I've been to only two but had a great time. So, I tried to replicate the magic and came up with my own 25 questions to ask the partygoers.

If you weren't there, below are the questions I asked. People were in teams of 2-4 people. The winning team got 17 of the 25 questions right. Personally, I think I did a good job since all questions were answered correctly by at least one group AND were missed by at least one group. Those of you that attened our gathering can let me know what you thought. I had fun, I just don't know if anyone else did...

So here are the questions. If you want to know an anser just ask me (or ask the good (and extremely rich) people over at Google.

Now that Wesley Clark has entered the Democrtic run for President, who was the last general to run for President?

What is the term for the wide body of water where a river meets a sea, and fresh and salt water mix?

What professional sports team won its league title the same year Emily and Mike began dating (1999) and then the same year they got married (2003)?

What movie had the famous line "What we have here is a failure to communicate?"

What event in American history spawned the phrase "yellow journalism"?

What sculptor created/designed the giant cherry and spoon om the Mpls Sculpture Garden?

What band's self-titled 1958 debut album included the hit "Tom Dooley"?

The high-brow term "pray to Dionysis" is slang for what low-brow act?

Who said, "I have not yet begun to fight."?

What was the name of Thomas Edison's lab in New Jersey?

What American author wrote the Snopes trilogy?

Among the voting age population, which state had the highest voter turnout in 2000, Minnesota, Alaska, Arizona, Connecticut, or Oregon?

What is the largest lake in the United States that does not share its waters with another county?

Which one of the following people was not a member of The Outsiders cast and crew? Tom Cruise, Francis Ford Coppola, Rob Lowe, Patrick Swaze, or Judd Nelson?

What non-disco band wrote the disco hit "I Was Made For Loving You"?

What literary character, a Herman Melville bureaucrat, is famous for repeatedly saying, "I would prefer not to."

"Yoda" is a Weird Al spoof of what song (written in 1970)?

Which of the following has never been a professional sports team in Minnesota: Lumber Barons, Vixens, Millers, or Arctic Blast?

What movie did Nicholas Cage first appear in?

What movie's sound track includes "Cups and Cakes," "Hell Hole," "Big Bottom," and "Sex Farm"?

Lake Powell, the man-made lake on the Colorado River, is infamous and controversial. Whom is it named for and what is he famous for?

What was the Beatles first #1 song in the US?

After the sun, what is the closest star (or body of stars) to Earth?

What Twin Cities highway was once known as Lilac Way?

What treat is traditionally eaten during Rosh Hashana to celebrate a sweet New Year?

WIN TWINS!!!

I have the greatest wife ever. Ben Affleck can keep or dump J-Lo, I don't care. And sure, the newlyweds, Gabe and Rachel make a great couple. However, Emily is pretty amazing. She bought tickets to the Twins/Yankees playoff series for my birthday! This would be like me buying her seats to, I don't know, Oprah in Minneapolis and then going with her.

So we may not have front-row seats, like we did last time we saw the Twins play the Yankees (and people threw trash and hot dogs at Chuck Knoblauch). In fact we'll be closer, much closer to the Metrodome roof than the field, but that's okay. The atmosphere should be amazing. Roger Clemens pitches games three for the fucking Yankees. Clemens vs. Kyle Losche. YIKES. Well, Kyle will 40,000+ screaming fans supporting him (and we'll be two of them), so let's hope that will be enough to get the Twins to at least game 4.

WIN TWINS!!!!!!!!

The Poorest Use of "Ironic" Since...

Alanis Morissette first complained of rain on a wedding day. Or since five minutes ago when some jackass talked about something being "ironical." As you can tell, this may be my snobbiest post to date.

Pro athletes are easy to pick on because they often get in over their heads when feeling pressure to sound articulate. And I like Matthew LeCroy, the Twins closest thing to a slugger. Still, I can't let him off the hook for what you're about to read. Consider it a game of Where's Waldo, only we'll call it "Find the Irony."

I cut and pasted this from Sunday's Minneapolis Star-Tribune. Click here for the whole story.

From LeCroy powers Twins to easy victory by Jim Souhan (published September 21, 2003). The link is http://www.startribune.com/stories/509/4109425.html

LeCroy knows he provides righthanded power for a team that craves that element in its lineup. Recently, sitting in the Twins' dugout, LeCroy called his playing-time predicament "ironic."

"Coming into this year, I really didn't know for sure if I was going to be the DH or not," LeCroy said. "Then I realized that I wasn't going to be that guy, and I had to change my goals and aspirations and figure out what my role was going to be.

"I just kept working. I think I can hit. I need to be given an opportunity, and fortunately for me, I stayed focused, and right now I have that opportunity.

"I need to take advantage of it."

Where's the irony? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Paging Mick Golden

The elusive Mick Golden surafced for a nanosecond to e-mailed me, saying he too was having difficulty reaching the Top Five blog (just like Sarah H. was having problems). Then he discovered the source of the problem. The problem is with the internet explorer. So Mick Golden, what is the solution here? Please, without revealing your manicured and protected identify, enlighten me and Sarah H. on any solution. You are one mysterious bastard Mick Golden!!!!!

Talk A Mile In Someone Else's Shoes

Over the weekend I partially lost my voice. Tomorrow I see a kid at 8:30 a.m. who used to have vocal nodules from a combination of too much shouting and too many allergies. Since I can't do anything about the allergies, I had to work on his shouting. In fact, I did what I could prevent him from raising his voice, especially when it was on the fritz.

SIDEBAR
Out of curiosity, I went to Merriam-Webster.com to check out the etimology of "on the fritz." Its origin is unknown. More research is needed for this one.

Okay, end sidebar. So when you have a fragile voice you are supposed to drink tons of water, never whisper, and obviously avoid using and raising your voice. I now know how hard it is to do this.

So the irony isn't lost on me. Tomorrow, this eight year-old is coming for the last time because he taught himself not to shout. His voice is a little hoarse and breathy, but it sounds like his nodules are gone. Good enough for an eight year-old who doesn't sing for a living. Meanwhile, my voice is going to sound like it's coming out of my ass. Why? Because over the last 72 hours I have been talking 75% of the time (waking hours only, I hope), not drinking enough water, and have been straining my voice to speak in noisy environments. Or simply raising my voice because I'm too lazy to go into the next room to talk to my boss (we often shout at each other from office-to-office during breaks).

Bottom line is I'm learning the value of the parenting maxim that used to drive me crazy a child, that I will embrace as an adult: Do as I say, not as I do.

Let's Give 'Em Something to Blog About II

I've started a second blog. A much simpler one to write. It's just a series of top five and top ten lists. I spend a lot of my spare time at work (or during dull games of /s/ blend Go Fish) compiling "best" and "worst" lists.

The problem is, then I get fixated on them and spend all day modifying them. So check out my new blog and your input will help me modify these lists until they have reached perfection. So check it out (please) by clicking here.

It goes without saying that the movie High Fidelity has a special place in my heart. It's a damn good movie and it sure hits close to home, but it's not going to make into my top five movie list.

The High Fidelity website is also worth checking out. It has a literally endless list of top five lists that are fun to go through. To go to it, click here.

By the way, that "literally" usage was for your benefit Sarah H. And it was a damn legal use of the word, if'n you ask me and my boyz Johnny Merriam and Eddie Webster.

Sorry to Disappoint...

But no corn cob fucking here! Disturbed? Confused? Read on...

One of the coolest things about having a site meter on this blog is it shows me the referring page of each visitor. For example, if someone comes over by clicking on Emily's blog, site meter will list her blog as the referring page.

The cool part is it reveals all the Google seaches that refer people to this page. For example, when I posted about the "Jobs for John" website, I got about two visits a day for awhile by people doing a "jobs for John" search on Google.

Sometimes, Google will refer people to my blog because several unrelated blog entries have the key words they entered into their Google search. for example, I got about four hits for people looking for a strippers in Baton Rogue for a bachelor party. Why? Because I blogged one day about the Baton Rogue bus boycott and then three days later about not wanting strippers at my bachelor party.

But the best is the freak who entered the Google search "corn cob fucking" and arrived at my web page ( Click here to see Site meter's report about this referral). Be it a meathead looking for strippers, or a freak head looking for some good old fashioned corn cob fucking, I'm sure people who use Google are pretty disappointed when they get to my blog.

And for cripes sake. I always figured the interenet had something for everyone, no matter how obscure, brilliant, or deviant his or her needs. But corn cob fucking? I don't know. I think the guy might have exhausted the web's capabilities with that one...

Let's Give 'em Something to Blog About

Ol' boy Matt the Hatt is at it again. For those of you who don't know, the Hatt and I go way back to age maybe 6. he is remarkable for many things. One of them being he may be the only San Antonio native who cannot name more than one Spur on last year's NBA championship team. In fact, if pressed, I don't think he could name more than one Spur EVER. Not that this is a bad thing. Just very unique.

But the Hatt does know robots. He has a new blog, Robot Alert, which I will add on the left in the permanent link section. I am often confused as to what the hell is going on that blog, and I figure it's because the Hatt is way smarter than I am. Anyway, Mr. Hatt be livin' in England and has no idea the love/obsession Emily and I have for robots.

That's What I'm Talking About!!!

Okay, so maybe it's unclear as to whether or not Strong Bad is a Spurs fan. But it's obvious Ken and Laurie Graff feel about the Silver and Black! Click here for more details. The maize maze is outside of Hondo, TX if anyone wants to road trip out there.

Image from "http://www.cornfieldmaze.com/sites.php?ID=&username=txhondo"


How much fun would it be to drop Shaq and Kobe in the middle of the that maze and watch them try to fight there way out of it.

What? What's that you say? I need a life? Well it could be worse. At least I didn't plant a corn field into the Spurs logo!

In the meantime, it may be baseball and football season, but it's never too early for....

GO SPURS GO!!!

I Guess Strong Bad Is A Lakers Fan

The latest Strong Bad e-mail from Homestarrunner.com stands as one of the funniest things I have seen in awhile. And for all the people living in south Texas, there is an added, random, San Antonio reference halfway through. A must see for even the non-Texans of the bunch! Click here to view the e-mail.

It's flash animation, so the faster your internet connection, the better. It's worth the wait, if you have dial-up. Speakers are nice too, but not necesarry.

Invent This Please

Maybe I'm a fool for sharing my ideas for inventions with the world. Sure, maybe I'll be open to ridicule. And it's also possible (just not likely) that some jackass will read my blog (any of the three of you) and say, "Wow! What a great idea!" Then this person makes a million bucks off my idea and I never see a red cent.

Fine with me. I can handle the ridicule and I don't want the money. What I want is the product. I'd much rather supply the idea to someone and then PRESTO, six months later I could buy the product in the store. That beats the hell out of all the patents, investments, and marketing involved in creating and selling my invention.

So, someone, please invent "brie string cheese." I love brie, but I hate how inconvenient it is to eat. I dislike string cheese, but enjoy its convenience. You see where I'm going with this? The convenience of string cheese meets the luxury of brie. Someone invent this now! And while you're at it, an orange that peels as easily as a banana would be nice too.

"Special Ops Sniper Stanley" Has Met His Match

After I posted the link to that ridiculous G.W. Bush war hero doll, I wondered: Who would win in a dual between the GW Action Figure and Sniper Stanley?

Well, it turns out the question was moot. Both would go down in a blaze of glory at the hands of Nancy Pearl, the Librarian Action Figure!

Image from http://www.mcphee.com/laf/


Emily and I heard about Nancy on the radio. Click here to go to Nancy's homepage. Or you can click here to see what we heard on the radio.

Now Emily wants to know how easy and expensive it is to make personalized action figures. Look for Emily the Mini Donut Girl to hit the shelves sometime next fall!